The Worst Valentine’s Day Ever

So maybe an exaggeration. After all, I wasn’t involved in a violent mob dispute, and it wasn’t like I was sitting home alone all mopey and surrounded by empty pizza boxes because a guy had dumped me the night before, but it was traumatic nonetheless. Enough so that even now, fourteen years later, I still reflect on that day as the Worst Valentine’s Day Ever.

A few months prior, my then-boyfriend and I had been talking about marriage, and he told me “Look, I can’t get you a ring until Valentine’s Day.” Like any reasonable person, I’m like “Got it. Engaged on Valentine’s Day.” So then Valentine’s Day rolls around, and during a fancy dinner my boyfriend presents me with a ring box. Oh yay! I open it, and see this…


…obviously not the Tiffany’s six-prong diamond ring I was expecting. Just a fun I-love-you ring. He was so pleased with himself as he had gone to a lot of trouble going to a friend’s mother’s antique store to find just the right amber ring for me. But all I saw was Not Engagement Ring.

Well, I figured it was a joke because he’s funny like that. It had to be a joke, right? I smiled, told him I loved it, and played along. Well, the night continues, no engagement ring. Night’s coming to an end, we’re about to fall asleep, surely he’s going to pop the question now, right? Right??? Nope, the effer kissed me good night, told me he loved me, and went to sleep. Little did he know that shit was about to get real.

I sat there in the dark stewing for about half an hour. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and WHACK! I hit him in the head with my pillow and laid into him. Boy was he shocked. Turns out that he thought his statement meant that V-Day was the EARLIEST he could get me an engagement ring — not that I was getting a ring on V-Day. WTF. Poor guy, he did mean well, but what an unfortunate choice of words! The day ended with no engagement and a big fight. Not the Valentine’s Day I was expecting.

Well, two months later I got The Ring, and despite this communication miscue we’ve made it through 13 years of marriage. But I’ve never forgotten. #neverforget


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